“How long will the pain last?” a broken-hearted mourner asked me. “All the rest of your life.” I had to answer truthfully. We never quite forget. No matter how many years pass, we remember. The loss of a loved one is like a major operation; part of us is removed, and we have a scar for the rest of our lives. This does not mean that the pain continues at the same intensity. There is a short while, at first, when we hardly believe it; it is rather like when we cut our hand. We see the blood flowing, but the pain has not set in yet. So when we are bereaved, there is a short while before the pain hits us. But when it does, it is massive in its effect. Grief is shattering. Then the wound begins to heal. It is like going through a dark tunnel. Occasionally we glimpse a bit of light up ahead, then we lose sight of it awhile, then see it again, and one day we merge into the light. We are able to laugh, to care, to live. The wound is healed so to speak. The stitches are taken out, and we are whole again. But not quite. The scar is still there, and the scar tissue, too. As the years go by, we manage. There are things to do, people to care for, and tasks that call for full attention. But the pain is still there, not far below the surface. We see a face that looks familiar, hear a voice that has echoes, see a photograph in someone’s album, see a landscape that once we saw together, and it as though the knife were in the wound again. But not so painfully, and mixed with joy, too. Because remembering a happy time is not all sorrow; it brings back happiness with it. As a matter of fact, we even seek such moments in bittersweet remembrance. We have our religious memories and our memorial days, and our visits to the cemetery. And though these bring back the pain, they bring back memories of joy as well.
How long will the pain last? All the rest of you life. But the thing to remember is that not only the pain will last, but the blessed memories as well. Tears are the proof of life. The more love, the more tears. If this were true, then how could we ever ask that the pain cease altogether? For then the memory of love would go with it. The pain of grief is the price we pay for love.

-Author unknown-

p/s: this entry is specially dedicated to my uncle Anyie and family who just loss their most precious person in their life, my aunt Helen Lah on Feb 5th. One of the fondest memories of my late Nei Len is of the kindness and gentleness she showed to our big family.Nei Len will be missed dearly and her family will feel the pain the most but a few words from heart would at least mellow their sorrows and begin the process of healing.May God give my uncle and his family the strength to go through this difficult time. Although it is difficult today to see beyond the sorrow,but may looking back in memory help comfort you tomorrow.May her soul rest in peace.

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